I haven’t really posted much lately because my thoughts, as usual with Thanksgiving, turn to when my Grandma got sick and passed away. This year on the fifth anniversary of her death I find I have moved into the angry stage. I am very angry at a lot of different things right now. I am sad and try to share with John who was with me thru both deaths very close together. I was not this mad with my Dad when I went thru that stage I was more disappointed than anything. With my Grandma I find I am angry. We were just getting to know each other again. We went to church together and I was really enjoying her company. All of a sudden she was gone. I still have problems singing Christmas Carols and eating Thanksgiving without getting all emotional. I am angry she wasn’t moved to another facility when she started to go downhill. I am angry she was out in the cold doing laundry before she left causing her already low immunity so become lower and more prone to illness. I am angry I got stuck going to her house and feeding the cats, looking at her birthday balloons that were on the table, while the rest of my family was with her at her bedside experiencing her passing. She was the only Grandparent I had left and she was there to support Mom as she dealt with Dad’s passing.
Other than dealing with all that raw emotion, I have been working up to the ½ way point with the dishcloth. I am at a stopping point until my mother in law can call me back to explain her pattern. I am still making the baby blue blanket. We went out with Mom Tuesday night so we could talk, that was really nice. We met Thanksgiving morning at Marlin’s for breakfast before going home and going to bed. We both had to work this whole week. I am still trying to decide where to go with the girls 12/10. I am not sure where I want to meet and the whole angry thing isn’t helping much. I really just like to come home in the morning and cuddle with kitties and talk to DH about our day, play on the computer and go to bed. I am sure it has to do with depression and what not. I did finally venture out on Black Friday to make sure to get Mom a camera that she will need when she goes on vacation anywhere. We have to go online to make sure we have a few memory cards and batteries. We think it needs a special charger. I need to find an over seas adapter for when we go to Ireland. I stood in line quite a bit for Target, got the camera and got out. I went over to World Market to stand in line for my ornament and chance to win a trip. Well, at least I got the ornament. I met with Mom while she waited for friends. Went home and heated up Thanksgiving for DH and I to eat while watching Survivor. Mom made all the fixings. It was really yummy! I even had pumpkin pie.
I did get most of my Christmas cards finished. I just need stamps and to wait until December to mail them out. I still am searching for SP and Christmas gifts for others. I have no idea what DH needs or wants. This is where I wind down and don’t want to think any further. I am not sure why I don’t want to think any further ahead than this month. Oh well, I am sure this will pass eventually so I can get back to my normal instead of angry and sad. I feel bad about being such a homebody but I really don’t feel like being with people. The kitty is pretty cute! DH sings to him and he calms down. He is so cute!!! He is pretty playful too. George and he will run back and for the and back and forth until George has enough. DH has a butterfly on the end of a string on a stick. He flicks it back and forth and Little Bear runs and runs. He also like the window. I brought him in last night before I had to go to work and he was fine. I thought he might disturb the others, but he slept on the floor and they slept on the bed so no hissing to wake me up. I will have to see what it happens today. I am open to try him in there again since he wants to be with us. He can be such a cuddler!
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